Could I Be Any More Bleak?

The other day I got the urge to write this down. Sometimes my creative juices just flow out of me unexpectedly (~just writer things~) and I’m not sure where they come from or what they mean. When I finished writing this poem and read it back through, my initial reaction was Damn, this sh*t is dark af.

The inspiration sort of just came to me as I was doodling in a notebook. My pen wasn’t working, and of course this annoyed me since I had already dried up two whole pens in the past few weeks. So I got this line in my head “I can’t keep a pen alive”, and from there it just poured out. Normally I wouldn’t share this with the world but I kind of like the way it turned out (especially since I wrote it so quickly and since its sans edits).

So take a moment and give it a read (and then absorb how dramatic and bleak I am and try not to criticize me for it):

I can’t keep a pen alive
Because my hand can’t help but strangle it until blood pours out of its head
and onto my notebook.
Where it lands in loops and curls of
things inside of me that I didn’t even know were there.
Pain I thought I had dissected,
Memories I thought I had cured,
Worries I thought I had buried.
But they must still survive somewhere
deep down in the crevices of my veins,
because they keep clawing their way out of my fingertips;
infecting my pen as it coughs out words that it doesn’t even understand,
scraping and screeching over rough paper
as it divulges my inner cancers.
And it drips and drips the virus until it bleeds out,
it’s life-force spilled on the page in front of my eyes.
But as I look down at the now deceased form,
I can’t help but toss it away,
and think of the new one I’ll murder the next day.

Yeaaaahhhhh, I’m just as disturbed as you are.

From me for you,

Julie

Let’s Get Serious: The poem I was never going to post

Alright here we go. For any of you who listen to the radio (or are even connected to the world at all……) you’ve probably heard Adele’s new song ‘Hello’. Basically it’s amazing and if you haven’t heard it go listen to it right now. I’ll wait……

Okay, so anyone who knows Adele’s music knows that she can pretty much make you feel like a gigantic ball of emotions out of no where. For example, as you’re listening to this song you suddenly start thinking about your eighth grade boyfriend that you haven’t thought of in years and you think you should call him and sing this to him (even if you sound like a dying whale). Fortunately for him I’m not going to do this, but I am going to do something else.

Adele’s song made me think a lot about heartbreak and how terrible and painful it can feel (we’ve all been there) and then I was reminded of a poem I had written months ago. It was basically a burst of emotions that I had splattered onto a page of one of my many journals. When I looked back at it I realized that I really loved it. Even though I thought the poem was written pretty well for being completed in five minutes, I didn’t want to show anyone because I didn’t want to be dramatic or seem emotional.

But you know what……I am dramatic and emotional and I don’t care who knows it. I want to show off this talent that I have and the words inside my head. So I’m done caring what people will think and I’m letting you all have a look at a poem that’s very vulnerable, raw, and terrifying for me to post. I hope you enjoy it.

I Felt My Heart Break
Julie Miranto

I felt my heart break,
a crack deep down in the bruised places of my chest.
I felt it rip right down the center,
felt it land in my stomach leaving a splash of acid that touched down to my toes.
I felt it snap when you said “can’t”,
felt it shrivel when you said “I kinda just got feelings for someone”
I felt it burn because I knew it wasn’t me.
It’s not a metaphor or an illusion but a physical disturbance that runs through my body
And makes my eyes burn
And the skin around them turn raw as they’re saturated with tears

I felt my heart break.
The day after,
As I woke up and tried to make myself smile.
tried to tell myself I did nothing,
and that it wasn’t my fault.
But as each shard of my heart fell out of my chest my frown grew stronger,
and suddenly it became impossible to smile
because all of my energy was being placed into taking steps forward,
and keeping my eyes down.

I felt my heart break.
But I don’t think yours did,
because the moment after you took my heart and severed it from my body,
You smiled.
And asked if everything could stay as it was,
As if I wasn’t feeling like a cracked shell,
As if my heart hadn’t just fractured right in front of you.
And I wanted to smile back so you wouldn’t see me flicker,
So I forced it out.
Which I’ll continue to do.
Because even though black sludge now runs through my veins
I can’t have you know how much you hurt me,
or how you allowed me to feel my heart break.

From me for you,

Julie

For All You Freshman Out There

Helllllooooo again! Forgive me for not posting very often but I’ve just been so busy since being back at school. Today I thought I’d talk about freshman (seeing as though they just arrived at Gettysburg two days ago). This being my sophomore year means it’s my first year really getting to see the freshman from an outside perspective. I finally understand how stupid I looked and sounded in those first few weeks of school. My friends and I have already witnessed freshman do a lot of funny and embarrassing things since we’ve been back. For example trying to use their ID to swipe out of the gym, saying “he asked me if I was a junior but I had my lanyard with me” (FYI, he knew you weren’t a junior, we know everyone, it’s a small school), and not yet understanding the concept of choosing your table in Servo before getting your food so you don’t have to aimlessly wander to find your friends. Even though all these things are very funny to me now,  at the same time I can’t blame them. I mean, they’re new, this is a brand new, scary experience for them and, like everyone, they just need time to adjust (though this adjustment period does cause all the upperclassmen to have to endure chaotic and confused surroundings). They’re new, they’re cute, and eventually they’ll just seem like classmates just like everyone else. We can’t hate them because we are them, just a little more experienced, that’s all.

But even still, the arrival of the freshman has reminded me of a poem I wrote a few months back. It was a reflection on my childhood and my life now. I wanted it to be a direct comparison so some of you may notice that the stanzas have the same number of lines and that each line has the same number of syllables as it’s partner line in the other stanza. I also tried to use a lot of consonance and assonance and repetition. The reasoning behind all of this structure was to portray the fact that even though I am now 18 (at the time when I wrote this) I still reflect that little girl on the swing set.

Reflecting on Then
Julie Miranto

A little house with blue shutters.
A tree not too tall
but seeming as though it touched the sky.
A slightly rusted play set
with a swing that had the power to,
one day,
reach the top of the tree.

A little dorm with blue accents.
A world not too wide
but seeming as though it touches beyond.
A slightly rattled young girl
with a step that has the power to,
one day,
reach the top of the world.

This poem was an embodiment of my experience as a freshman, so it only seems appropriate to apply it to the freshman now. They may seem annoying and silly, but they too have the power to one day reach the top of the world. So freshman, I appreciate you.

From me for you,

Julie

The Only Thing I Did This Summer

So summer is officially over, and I leave in 18 hours to go back to Gettysburg (YAY). Since the summer has come and gone I thought I’d share with you the only poem I wrote all summer. Yes I know, I should’ve written more, but in all my work-induced exhaustion and summer depression I couldn’t bring myself to do much more than sit on the couch and stare at the tv (and come up with things to post on this blog). So here we go. I wrote this poem probably a few months ago. I think I was feeling a little down in like the middle of the night (does that happen to anyone else?) and so I pulled out my phone and typed out this poem into my notes very quickly and then went to bed. I think I fixed it up a bit when I typed it into a word document the next day, but obviously it isn’t perfect and could always use improvements (it didn’t even have a title before right now). But here it is, I hope you enjoy:

Feeling Like You
Julie Miranto

I want to feel the way that you made me feel.
Like time could be turned back
and stretched out so long that minutes feel like hours.
And like the past can be the present,
like childhood movies can still hold the same magic.
And like bodies can be soft but hands can be rough.
Like silence can be calming and not something to fear.

I want to feel the way that you made me feel.
Like flaws can become treasures,
and perception can be faulty.
I want to feel that comfort,
the familiarity and the routine
in the way that makes every moment seem that much more real.

I want to feel the high of knowing you again.
Because that feeling inspires me,
and removes the fake something that always gets in the way.
I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied
until I feel the way that you made me feel
again.

From me for you,

Julie

The Ghost Generation

Today I have another poem for you! Once again, I wrote this last semester in my creative writing course. This session was all about rhyming (slant rhyme, true rhyme, etc.). Though I don’t really know what the poem is or means entirely, (because it literally just sprung out of me in a burst of rhymes that came from who knows where) I ended up liking it a lot. It was my first real adventure into rhyming, so I consider this poem to be my initial realization of how sophisticated rhyme can add so much to a poem. I wrote the first few lines in class and then later finished it for my portfolio at the end of the unit. Recently I’ve tried expanding it into a spoken word but it is very new territory for me so it needs a lot of work before I’ll love it. For now, enjoy this original draft!

The Ghost Generation
Julie Miranto

Her smile spreads out like echolocation,
reflecting back the dead souls that she always held faith in.
They etch and they sketch on the parts of her brain
where she used to hold songs but now only finds shame.
They plug and they tug and they shun her heartstrings
til she’s left loosely lulled by the numb that they leave.
She’s all tied up in tangles,
her body in angles of what used to be angels
that floated and fostered the roots of her soul,
the rusted and ruined parts sans control.
They were supported and strong and carried her dreams
in little pockets labeled tomorrow, next year, and in-between.
Yet now they are arid and lack the firm something.
The thing which we pray for and weep for not coming.
All her strength needs is a pinch of hydration
to bring back the life in her bones and her face and
her smile will then spread from person to person,
reviving the rotten souls of the ghost generation.

From me for you,

Julie

Let’s Go Far Away

Once again, I wrote this for my poetry portfolio mid-way through last semester. It’s probably one of my favorite poems because it just sort of flowed out of me, as if it was just begging to be written. I think it only took me about twenty minutes to write the entire thing. It just really represents feeling good and desiring to escape everyday surroundings and find a place where things don’t change and the happiness is constant. This place I described in this poem is my example of this escape, sort of a distant, foreign place that you could share with someone special. Even though the poem directly says “you”, I don’t think there is a specific “you” that this was about. I guess the other person in this poem is just a representation of what I hope to one day have (which apparently is a person that will be irresponsible and run away from all of life’s problems with me…….).

So here it is, I hope you enjoy.

A Place for You and Me
Julie Miranto

Let’s go far away.
To the place where the sun is orange,
and the dew sits like pluckable crystals on fragile petals,
and the rain tastes like sugar and cascades down the mountains in tufts of sweet nothings,
and the earth is not stable but can be changed.
And changed again.
Into rainbow tornados and pink foaming beaches,
into a tower of storm clouds that never releases.
Where your hand brushes mine and leaves trails of warm redness,
and the grass feels like soft duvets and we will bury down beneath it.

And we will forget that anything mattered,
and let our thoughts become clouds which float higher and higher
and make shapes of lost lovers, friends, and those who no longer live.
The air will always smell like cinnamon or fresh linens,
and the birds solely sing and never stop whooshing and floating through the soft breezes.

Just you and me in a skyline of possibilities,
a sun ray of hope and a tree of never ending tranquility.
Nothing is gained and nothing is lost
but we stay as we are.
Take me to this place with you
Far, far away,
where the ocean isn’t salty and neither are we,
where the roots of the trees dip up and down in endless waves that connect the sky to the earth,
being a bridge to all things.

We can lay together as the sun bakes our skin,
and we’ll melt there beside each other,
as my head lies on your chest and I hear the beat-beating of life.
And when we are done and we’ve fallen to puddles,
Let the world fall too.
It will be no more than a far distant place where the sun is orange and time is erased.

From me for you,

Julie

Inspired by a Song

It’s time for another poem! This one was written for my portfolio at the end of the poetry unit in my creative writing course. At the time I didn’t quite have enough poems to meet the requirement for the assignment, so I needed to write one more. Music always inspires me, so I put my headphones in and laid down on my bed. The song Time by Mikky Ekko came on (this was one of my favorites at that point in time and if you haven’t heard it I suggest you go listen). It’s a very serene and powerful song and as I listened to it (on repeat) I really resonated with the line “time doesn’t love you like I love you”. I found it very intriguing, which is why it became the first line in this poem. From there I let the song and my brain guide me to write the poem that I now have. I titled it to resemble the amount of time it took me to write the poem, explaining the idea that this time had now passed and gone and this was what I had to show for it. I hope you enjoy it!

Twenty Minutes Passed
Julie Miranto

Time doesn’t love you like I love you.
It tick, tick, ticks away towards things unseen,
grey hair and wrinkled hands,
weak knees and lost dreams.

It walks right past you without a glance.
Seconds pass, pass, pass while removing the chance
to say I love you one last time,
or tell that stranger that you think they’re lovely.

It sucks you into a vast vortex of mundane activities,
the everyday hustle that pull, pull, pulls
and does not stop for anything,
not even for last moments or the first lurch of heartstrings.

So let’s run forever
Just out of time’s reach
Cause time doesn’t love you like I love you.

From me for you,

Julie

Inverted Syntax

As I mentioned in my last post I want to be able to use this blog as a way to post my writing. So this is my first attempt at doing that! It’s kind of scary but here we go!

So I wrote this particular poem a few months back as an assignment for my creative writing course. My professor wanted us to attempt to use inverted syntax. She used an E.E. Cummings poem to explain this device but unfortunately I cannot remember what the poem was nor can I find it in my old folders. In a nutshell, inverted syntax is the process of writing lines that do not follow traditional sentence patterns. My professor asked us to attempt this kind of writing and the following poem is what came out of that process for me.

At first I didn’t really understand the purpose of inverted syntax or the value that it could add to a poem, but then I realized that it was exactly what I needed for this particular poem. I wrote this poem about a relationship (if you want to call it that) that I was in at the time. I was very confused as to what this relationship actually was and what it was leading to. By using inverted syntax I was able to explain the confusion in my head by making the lines themselves difficult to understand because of the non-traditional syntax. This helped me communicate how I was feeling in a more effective way to my reader. In the end this became one of my favorite poems that I wrote all semester. I hope you enjoy it!

Unclear 
Julie Miranto

Now you come to me see,
to the where I am place,
where the dimly shines sun
and the always thorns chase.

You me open vast,
the armor despite.
And lay I my hold,
give I last my sight.

Because sudden fall I,
though know not of your catch.
Belong now to you I,
still while hold you to step.

With me are here you,
or you far someplace?
No more shelter have I,
heart my longer no cased.

Here I am where brought you,
yet continue I still,
for one the smile sweet,
who may neglect to me fill.

From me for you,

Julie