Why Guys Aren’t Attracted to You

A few weeks ago I published a post titled “Why Girls Aren’t Attracted to You” and surprisingly, it was a huge hit…..with all the women. When I originally wrote it, I thought I would get a little more of a response from all the men out there, but instead they chose to keep quiet. Now I can’t say that there weren’t any guys out there who read my post, because I’m sure (I hope) there were, but I thought that maybe flipping the tables a little bit would help all the humans out there with Y chromosomes engage just a little bit more (honestly, I’m probably expecting way too much from them; classic girl problems).

So here it is. Drum-roll please…….

WHY GUYS AREN’T ATTRACTED TO YOU !!!!!

Now, we can all assume at this point that I have no idea what the answer to this is. I mean, I have my theories of course, but at the end of the day my lack of male genetics pretty much makes it impossible for me to understand the male mind (I picture it like a sad little desert in there). Not only that, but I haven’t been in a long term relationship since…..ever. SO my expertise is clearly not helpful in this situation because I’m probably just doing everything wrong too.

So to overcome this issue, I enlisted the help of some of the oh so lovely guys in my own life. I asked them the simple question “Why would you not be attracted to a girl in a general OR relationship sense?” and here, my loving readers, is their response:

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any inappropriate words that may crop up in these responses, these are direct quotes.

Male 1, Age 23 –Lack of motivation. There’s nothing worse than having a female that just wants money but doesn’t work. Also smell. When guys see girls we think about a few things instantaneously, and smell is one of them. I guarantee you, if you are wearing just a hint of perfume, it could change the game.”

Male 2, Age 21 –“The first that comes to mind is past experiences, guys might not want to commit to a relationship due to previous relationships not working out so they are afraid that history will repeat itself. Another reason is he may be into you but not enough to date you”

Male 3, Age 22 – “Well there is a difference between when a girl is having a good time with friends drinking compared to being like super messed up. I don’t find that attractive because its just messy.”

Male 4, Age 22 –Being unsupportive is big. Cause if I’m afraid every time I open my mouth to say something [because] a girl’s going to spend the next hour sh*tting on me, I would rather not say anything. Also actively hating dogs, being embarrassingly awful to people. Oh being a social justice warrior. Being rude to my friends or family for no reason or too early in our relationship for no reason. Being a Cowboys, Eagles, Redskins, Miss State, Alabama, or Patriots fan or someone who doesn’t think Crosby is a douche.”

Male 5, Age 21 – “Well you can’t date a girl that’s f**ked your friends”

Male 6, Age 20 – I hate when girls don’t know what they want to eat. I also don’t like how women lie so much but cry about honesty. Or when ya’ll not hungry but still eat our food when we asked do you want anything.”

Male 7, Age 20 – “One thing I find difficult to get over…is a girl that never knows what she wants to do. Like I’d ask where she wanted to go to dinner or if there was anything she wanted to do with me and the answer would always be ‘I don’t know’, and like I know its expected for the guy to plan stuff or whatever, but having confidence to make your input known is pretty cool. I guess it kind of leads back to the confidence thing. I can’t stand girls who can’t make decisions about simple activities.

Male 8, Age 21 – “I think confidence has a lot to do with it. Just confident looking, so smiling, clean enough looking (not sloppy), and then from there it’s kinda guy’s types”

Male 9, Age 21 – “I personally am not attracted to a girl that makes herself too available. Half the fun is the chase”

I would shout EUREKA! but I’m alone at my computer typing this so that would just be weird. I guess one thing we can boil all this down to is that there really is no single reason why boys aren’t attracted to you. But hey, absorb all the info for what it is folks, these boys had to use a lot of brain power to come up with it.

From me for you,

Julie

I’m like Middle-Age Hot.

I’ve recently had this sort of epiphany about the way people look. Basically I’ve realized that as a person progressively gets older they get more and more attractive for their age group regardless of if they were attractive when they were younger.

Okay let me explain: If you’re in high school and you look like I did in high school (aka giant hips, big butt, slightly overweight, small boobs) you probably hate your life. Because high school is filled with teeny, tiny little girls who have barely gotten into their adult bodies, and short, tween looking boys who are not even close to fully developed (mentally and physically); so when you have the body of a housewife with two-children, you don’t at all feel like you belong. But then this glorious thing happens and you go to college and everyone starts getting a little extra chunky and the boys finally get taller and expectations get a little bit lower, and suddenly you’re hot! Well like not that hot, but like more attractive than you were in high school. But the struggle isn’t over yet for girls like me because college is still home to the ~genetically gifted~ that will make you feel not-so worthy. But still you’re improving, you’re becoming the kind of hot associated with the *shrugs* “Yeah she’s pretty hot, I could be into it” but not the “Oh my god she’s so hot, she’s my dream girl, I would never be good enough for her”. That my friends, is the definition of middle-age hot.

It wasn’t until the past year or so that I realized that I was middle-age hot. Middle-age hot is like if you look at your body right now, and imagine how you would look if you had that same body at the age of 37. Hell yeah!! You’re hot af! Because as we get older people get bigger and softer and wrinklier and other people who are 37 start not minding all that extra chunk because they’ve got their own extra chunk to deal with. So suddenly the expectation of being hot is lowered significantly in each stage of life to the point where people who were never hot are suddenly super hot! So if us middle-age hot people can maintain our bodies until we’re actually middle-aged then for the first time in our whole lives we’ll just be normal hot.

It’s not just girls who deal with this phenomenon. I’ve noticed for myself that as I’ve reached the ripe old age of 21 (lol) my expectations on what’s attractive and what isn’t have changed significantly. Like don’t get me wrong, send a boy with a body like Zac Efron my way and I surely will not be disappointed, but send me a guy who looks like 30 year old slightly balding man, who wears khaki’s, hasn’t worked out in a year, and appears to be financially stable and lord bless I’ll probably wanna marry you!!

So yeah, being middle-age hot at 21 years old may not sound like the greatest thing in the world. But hey, as the years go by the people like me will just keep getting hotter while all the normal hot people have already peaked 😉

In the meantime, I may just need to start dating 30 year old divorcees.

From me for you,

Julie

 

LEAVE ED SHEERAN ALONE

Any of my Game of Thrones fans out there probably know that in the season premiere Ed Sheeran made a nice little cameo appearance. For me this was huge. I was just casually sitting on my couch watching my Arya gallop along to go get her much deserve revenge on every horrible person who killed her family and suddenly I hear the sweet sound of a redheaded man singing.

Of course when they showed that it was Ed Sheeran I screamed at my tv “IS THAT ED SHEERAN!” while watching in adoration for the next 5 minutes of his screen time. (I am especially obsessed with him right now because I just saw him in concert in Philly and it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed in my lifeso that should also explain this post)

Anyway, apparently my excited reaction was not the reaction of most GoT fans, who subsequently went on to badger and abuse poor Ed on twitter about his presence on the show to the point that he DELETED HIS ENTIRE TWITTER ACCOUNT.

Excuse me people but were we not taught that cyber-bullying is not okay?! He’s just an innocent man who wanted to pretend he lives in the GoT world for a few minutes and ya’ll can’t even let him enjoy it!! And yaknow what, I’m pretty sure that if any of YOU were given the opportunity to be in the show YOU WOULD TOO and you would hope that a bunch of people wouldn’t comment about how it ~broke them out of the fantasy world they were so entrenched in~.

(……….are you serious, be a just a little more GoT snobby pls it’s not hurting my brain or anything)

He literally spoke like three, two-word lines and it offended you all so much that you needed to break his spirit and stop all of us good people from seeing updates about his life?!!?

I mean he already doesn’t post on Instagram or even have a phone, and now you want to remove him from the whole social media world altogether?!

(I must also say that I read an article about this twitter deletion where the girl writing it said that she doesn’t like his music, but that his most recent album showed a lot of “potential” and “some talent”. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! The most famous male artist in the entire world only has POTENTIAL. Let’s ignore all the awards he’s won and countless albums he’s sold because “Alexa” doesn’t think he has any talent. Lord bless. (Sorry “Alexa” but I think you need to use your brain before you post on the internet anymore.)

So you know what, after all of this I’m going to channel my inner Chris Crocker and say LEAVE ED SHEERAN ALONE !!!! (Sorry Britney but today just isn’t your day)

From me for you,

Julie

*The dramatics were for special effect*

Why Girls Aren’t Attracted to You.

As I begin to write this post I feel like I have to note that I’m making a very generalized statement that may not be true for all women/situations out there but even still I’ve noticed it so I’m going to say it. Continue on with your reading:

Attraction is a very interesting topic. Psychologists have studied it for years and come up with all these weird reasons as to why some people appear more attractive to us than others. Some of this research shows that we’re naturally more attracted to people who look similar to us (hence that whole freaky thing where couples start to look more and more alike the longer they’re together). We’re also more attracted to faces that are not perfectly symmetrical (look up some pictures of celebrity’s with their faces as mirror images on both sides and it’ll disturb you fully). However my own super-academic-science-based research (lol) has led me to realize one more reason why women are attracted to certain men over others……and that is how financially stable you appear.

Let me tell you, if there’s one thing that makes a girl fall in love it’s a man’s ability to support her and her future children for the rest of her life. This isn’t even just like a thing I’ve made up in my head, it’s been studied. Women often look for financial stability as a more important factor in choosing a partner than physical fitness/good looks (do a Google search if you don’t believe me). But how exactly does a person appear financially stable?

I mean I think it’s probably a case by case situation, but to me it’s probably a factor of how much of a Dad you look like (I couldn’t help but laugh at myself as I wrote that).

So let me explain a little further: Men who look good in business casual clothing automatically get an upgrade. I speak from true experience (aka on the days when my college has job recruiters on campus and all the guys are walking around in suits and all of my friends comment on how significantly more attractive they all look). But you don’t need to be walking around in a suit all the time to get people to be attracted to you, throw on a polo every once in awhile, or actually do your hair, or have basic personal hygiene, shave your beard (the shaving thing is actually really hard for me to say because I’m a big fan of beards but still).

Speaking from my own personal brain, a few months ago I was out to lunch and I noticed this table of men probably somewhere between 20-30, looking like they were on their lunch break in their button up shirts and semi-balding heads and some deep down instinctual part of me was like “Damn, those guys look like they could give me a nice 2.5-kid-white-picket-fence life”. There ya have it folks, proof.

However, appearing financially stable isn’t all to do with how you look, it also has a ton to do with your actions. Like do you have career goals, are you making an independent life for yourself, are you passing all of your classes, do you know how to save money, do you want to buy me a new car (lol) etc. etc. A lot of those kinds of things can be revealed in normal conversation and if you show that you have the ability to do those kinds of things (or simply that you’re not a loser with no aspirations in life) then you may just become more attractive to certain people.

This all probably seems pretty shallow to the majority of you reading this, or maybe just a little gold-digger-esque (….whoops), but hey it’s in our female instincts to look for these kinds of things, in the same way that men are more focused on physical attraction and how well a woman seems like she can take care of you when you’re sick (man-flu is a real epidemic people). So my best advice to you is to put on some khakis and a Dad hat and talk about how much you can’t wait to save for retirement and tada! you’ll find a girl who wants to stick around for the long haul (PSA: if you’re not looking long term then avoid these behaviors at all costs).

From me for you,

Julie

Don’t Talk to Me Unless You’re Hot AF

Now that you’ve clicked, let me explain: A few weeks ago a friend of mine texted in our group chat to tell us how annoyed she was that three “creepy men” came up to her on the street and asked if she needed help as she was hanging up posters as part of her job. Immediately my friends and I all jumped on to validate her point by exclaiming things like “How weird”, “Why do guys think it’s okay to just approach people like that”, “That’s soooooo creepy”, etc. Until suddenly one of us made a comment that our friend would not have been complaining and saying the guys were creepy if they’d been hot.

OH SH*T.

In a split second the epiphany settled over me. She was so right. Had any one of those guys walked up to one of us looking like Ryan Gosling ala The Notebook we would sure as hell have offered to let him help us (while subsequently proposing marriage and offering to have his first born son). But alas, the men that approached her that day, and that approach most women in everyday life, do not all look like Ryan Gosling. But that shouldn’t automatically qualify them as creepy, aggressive, perverts trying to hit on us.

Now hey, I wasn’t there so I don’t actually know how these men approached or what they really said (it could have been totally creepy) but when it comes down to it…..maybe they really just were trying to be nice and wanted to help. It wouldn’t be the strangest thing in the world.

Don’t get me wrong, I am for sure a culprit of thinking this way about guys. If I’m out and about and a guy who I’m not attracted to walks up and tries to talk to me my instant reaction is to be like “who does this guy think he is, he’s so creepy, blahblahblah *girls saying annoying stuff*”. It’s the classic “Sorry I have a boyfriend” situation, like mission get-this-guy-away-from-me-as-fast-as-possible-before-a-hotter-guy-sees-and-thinks-I’m-taken.

Frankly it’s a double standard, especially since there are sure as hell some creepy ass people out there who probably do look like Ryan Gosling that could easily walk up to you and steal your wallet or try to put their hands in your pants or just make you uncomfortable AF. Trust me, it happens.

So how do we allow ourselves to exempt hot people from being perverts trying to hit on us, but classify any average looking person as a creep?! At this rate we’ll probably all end up being the victims of armed robbery at the hands of a male-modeling agency.

So really, we should all be a little more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and talk to them before being repulsed and weirded-out by them. Maybe they’re just being friendly, maybe they don’t have anyone else to talk to, maybe they’re just trynna finesse their way into a free drink, maybe they’re bored, who the heck knows, but regardless give the guy a damn chance before ya lump him in with all the other creeps. Cause lets be honest, we’re all not that hot either so everybody probably looks at us and thinks we’re creepy too.

From me for you,

Julie

(PSA: though not mentioned, I do not think boys are exempt from doing this same thing to girls, you best believeeee it happens)