Okay, so I haven’t actually wrecked any homes, but at the same time I’ve noticed over the past year that I have a tendency to be into guys who have girlfriends.
Let me stop this right here to say that I am in no way saying that my homewrecking tendencies are anywhere near appropriate or okay in any way, in fact I think this whole thing is a large personality flaw of mine. That’s sort of the point of this post, to explain why I think I am this way.
I really discovered this problem only a couple months ago with the help of my roommate Kelli. We were sitting in our room and she was explaining to me how recently I had been too close and personal (aka flirty) with the boyfriend of one of my good friends. I was really surprised when she told me this because I honestly hadn’t consciously realized that I had done anything wrong. However once she pointed it out to me I realized that everything that she was saying was true, I was a homewrecker and I suddenly knew exactly why.
I wrote a blog post a few months back titled “Why I’m Ready To Embrace Being Single”. In this post I talked a lot about my relationship history (or lack thereof) and outlined my struggle with always feeling like the “almost” girl or a second choice when it came to boys. Once I recognized this emotional issue within myself, and subsequently when I realized I was inclined to talking to people’s boyfriends, I suddenly realized that the two were connected.
A lot of my “almost relationships” ended because the guy decided to be with another girl over me, and obviously that hurt. So I think that I developed this need to be the girl that the guy chooses. So essentially somewhere in my brain I believe that if I can get this boy to like me more than he likes his girlfriend then that’ll mean I win. Then I would be the chosen girl, the exact girl that I had always hated in the past for ruining my “almost relationships”. So I started not caring about the girl on the other end of the relationship, I just did what I wanted and that eventually spiraled into me having a horrible homewrecking complex.
Now let me stop and state again: I have never actually wrecked any homes. I’ve never been the cause of someone’s ended relationship, I’ve never really acted as a legitimate homewrecker. I just liked to get to know guys who already had girlfriends (which can in some circumstances be construed as innocent but also is completely wrong).
Let me give you some examples of what I mean. Recently I’ve discovered that I’m golden at letting boys in relationships talk to me about their problems. (RED ALERT: if your boyfriend is talking to a random girl who is not your friend about your relationship then break that ish up fast). Lets be honest, there’s really no reason for a guy to be looking to a dissociated girl friend of his for advice, and there’s really no reason why I would care to actually help his relationship, because in fact I really don’t care. But becoming the girl that he complains to about his girlfriend begins to feel really fulfilling and gives me the sense that I have control over something….and it is one of the first steps into ruining a relationship (hence the red alert). It seems innocent, like you just care about him and want to help him so he can be happy, but having emotional conversations with someone is not a surface level thing, and eventually you become the person he leans on/runs to when his girlfriend is pissing him off. Hellloooo if that doesn’t sound like a one way ticket into cheating then I don’t know what does.
I am a perpetrator of this type of homewrecking, but only the emotional relationship advice part. I let myself get to know boys in relationships, I try to become their friend, I try to steal their attention (I beg them to give me their Derby Days hats just so that their girlfriend can’t have it……).
Essentially I’m messed up (not that that is really news to anyone).
Since being aware of my inclination to be a homewrecker I’ve really tried to take control of it. I’ve realized that finding fulfillment through the destruction of someone else’s relationship is literally the most twisted thing ever (even if I’m unconsciously doing it).
I suppose calling myself a homewrecker is probably really crude and shocking to some people (sorry mom), but I use the word only to explain an idea, not to promote it or act like I’m embracing it. I guess I just figured that I’m probably not the only person who has looked to desire from other people’s boyfriends as some point of validation. I think that any person out there that does so really does have some kind of insecurity or emotional issues.
At the end of the day this is all really personal (I mean who wants to publicly admit that they’re an almost homewrecker? …..me apparently) and posting this could and probably will really embarrass me. But I don’t know, I just felt the need to say it.
It’s a flaw, a huge personality flaw that could honestly get me in a lot of trouble and that has put me in really hard situations in the past. And I should probably get it through my head that ending someones relationship so that I can be in one really only ups the chances of my relationship with that person being ruined by a homewrecker. I mean a cheater is always a cheater right?
But yes I’ll admit it, I’m a homewrecker. (Maybe I should call myself a recovering homewrecker? an almost homewrecker? Idk, any way you put it is still wrong).
…..Maybe I should start a support group, hahaha. I’ll keep you updated.
From me for you,