Alright here we go. For any of you who listen to the radio (or are even connected to the world at all……) you’ve probably heard Adele’s new song ‘Hello’. Basically it’s amazing and if you haven’t heard it go listen to it right now. I’ll wait……
Okay, so anyone who knows Adele’s music knows that she can pretty much make you feel like a gigantic ball of emotions out of no where. For example, as you’re listening to this song you suddenly start thinking about your eighth grade boyfriend that you haven’t thought of in years and you think you should call him and sing this to him (even if you sound like a dying whale). Fortunately for him I’m not going to do this, but I am going to do something else.
Adele’s song made me think a lot about heartbreak and how terrible and painful it can feel (we’ve all been there) and then I was reminded of a poem I had written months ago. It was basically a burst of emotions that I had splattered onto a page of one of my many journals. When I looked back at it I realized that I really loved it. Even though I thought the poem was written pretty well for being completed in five minutes, I didn’t want to show anyone because I didn’t want to be dramatic or seem emotional.
But you know what……I am dramatic and emotional and I don’t care who knows it. I want to show off this talent that I have and the words inside my head. So I’m done caring what people will think and I’m letting you all have a look at a poem that’s very vulnerable, raw, and terrifying for me to post. I hope you enjoy it.
I Felt My Heart Break
I felt my heart break,
a crack deep down in the bruised places of my chest.
I felt it rip right down the center,
felt it land in my stomach leaving a splash of acid that touched down to my toes.
I felt it snap when you said “can’t”,
felt it shrivel when you said “I kinda just got feelings for someone”
I felt it burn because I knew it wasn’t me.
It’s not a metaphor or an illusion but a physical disturbance that runs through my body
And makes my eyes burn
And the skin around them turn raw as they’re saturated with tears
I felt my heart break.
The day after,
As I woke up and tried to make myself smile.
tried to tell myself I did nothing,
and that it wasn’t my fault.
But as each shard of my heart fell out of my chest my frown grew stronger,
and suddenly it became impossible to smile
because all of my energy was being placed into taking steps forward,
and keeping my eyes down.
I felt my heart break.
But I don’t think yours did,
because the moment after you took my heart and severed it from my body,
And asked if everything could stay as it was,
As if I wasn’t feeling like a cracked shell,
As if my heart hadn’t just fractured right in front of you.
And I wanted to smile back so you wouldn’t see me flicker,
So I forced it out.
Which I’ll continue to do.
Because even though black sludge now runs through my veins
I can’t have you know how much you hurt me,
or how you allowed me to feel my heart break.
From me for you,